Bereavement
© Jayne Harry
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When I was first asked to write this article on bereavement I was confused as to why it was that the person had asked ME. Although I have had the experience of being bereaved, I have never lost a child, which, to me, must be the ultimate pain. So, I started to ask myself a few questions, to look into this subject of bereavement a little closer. "What is actually meant by bereavement?"... "What would they like me to write about?" It was then that the realization came, bereavement, the meaning of death?...and also ....the meaning of life.
Yes, bereavement, one word, but it hides a subject which encompasses everything and if you have ever been bereaved you will have some experience of the enormity of the subject.
It is unfortunate that those who are around us in the time of our bereavement do not actually experience or understand that we have been plunged into the vastness of such an experience. We start to question our relationship with the bereaved....."What could I have done?" ... "What if ?" .....We ask ourselves a thousand times a day.
If it is a child that we have lost, we cannot help but think of the opportunities that have been taken from them ( and us.) The opportunity for them to get married and have children of their own, live a long and fulfilling life........and then we ask ..."What is a fulfilling life?"..... "Did they have this when they were here?"..... "Why did it have to be taken from them?" Many parents think that the loss of their child is in some way a form of punishment for them, perhaps because of past deeds they feel guilty about. Unfortunately there are many psychics and mediums out there who will add to this terrible and cruel misconception by spouting words such as "karma". Guilt and anger and many other emotions are all very normal parts of bereavement and very important phases in the healing process. However, although it is normal to feel such emotions, it doesn't mean that these feelings are justified.
From the experience of many Spirit communications, I know that the one thing our loved ones in Spirit want more than anything, is for us to let our guilt and anger go and for us to be happy in life.
When it is a parent or an older person that we lose, people try to make us feel better by saying that they "Had a good innings." However ( as true as this may be ) for us, we are still re-living all the missed opportunities. Maybe not so much those of the future, but all those missed opportunities of the past. All the times we weren't there for them and could have / should have been. All those things we wish we had said......
In bereavement we torture ourselves, bring to light all our inadequecies and search for the one and only thing that can help to relieve our pain......contact with our lost loved one. Just to be able to hold them one more time, to be able to tell them how much we really do care, how much we love them......
The next three paragraphs added by Bonnie Bertelson©
Losing a child, and the grief process that follows is like riding a roller coaster; it turns back on the rails and covers the same curves, twists, hills and straightaway several times before heading for the tunnel and the light that ends the ride. You don't know when the train will head for that tunnel and you think about jumping off because you didn't want to buy the ticket in the first place - it was thrust upon you.
Suddenly... there you are in the front car with your eyes closed from the tears and the lap bar is down, pressing painfully on your heart. You can't get off. You have no other choice but to ride the monstrous beast.If you are able to open your eyes and look around, you'll see other passengers; some sick to their stomach, some still screaming with their eyes shut. You reach out to them with empathy and they respond. Many feel better because you touched them and they know they are not alone. You feel better because now you know that you are not alone either. Amazingly, the more people you touch, the easier the ride becomes for you. I don't know why that is - it just is. Thank God.
The above three paragraphs added by Bonnie Bertelson©
Over the past thirty or more years, Laurence has re-united many bereaved people with their loved ones in the world of Spirit and every time is a most unique and blessed experience. The depth of love and emotion that the Spirit World bring, is greater than any I have felt from a "living" human being. The only way I can understand or describe this, is to say that, by being that much closer to God than we are, our loved ones in the Spirit World seem to bring a part of him with them when they come. It is truly the most beautiful and overwhelming feeling of love, joy and peace, all rolled into one.
I have been involved with Spiritualism for many years myself now and there are many things that I have learned. One thing I still find hard to understand, is how, when I have experienced proof ( and almost on a daily basis ) that life does exist after physical death, can I feel the loss of my loved ones so deeply? I know, in a spiritual sense, that they are still with me. I have had personal experiences of my own to validate this, not just the word of others. But still, the pain, the emptiness, the tears, the anger.........
Yes, bereavement is a vast, vast, subject. As vast as the meaning of life and death itself. We all experience it, no matter what our belief or personal situation and we all ( at some stage ) learn to 'live with it.' It does get easier with time...sometimes a lot of time....but it NEVER goes away.
And our loved ones NEVER go away either....they are always in our hearts and often watch over us and guide us.
To live in the hearts of those we love is not to die.
(Copyright J.Harry)
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